stuff i'm thinking about right now #1

bringing listicles back

Jul 08, 2025

Author’s note: look, I’m just trying something… let me see if I can make this a weekly thing by committing to making it short and funny (we call this move The Ol’ Sagittarius). My dream for stuff i’m thinking about right now is like a roundup of what I would’ve tweeted in the past week if I still used twitter like that. I miss Posting, and Substack notes has a deeply cursed and monochromatic energy that just doesn’t replicate the particular manic joy of pre-Elon twitter.

I also want to share that I am on tour all year! Scream!!!!! Dates on my website. I am closing out a tour for Dopamine’s WITCH anthology (with Michelle Tea…………. it’s true) this Friday in Provincetown, MA, then joining THEE Chloé Caldwell on tour for her memoir Trying, out 8.5.25! Her first Leo book! Which could mean nothing!

As most of you know, I am a die-hard Women by Chloé Caldwell apologist. It’s still the greatest lesbian novella of all time, FOR SURE. But. Dare I say it. Trying is Chloé’s best book yet. SO! If you are in San Francisco or Denver, we will be there and we would love to see you!

ok. here’s some stuff i’m thinking about right now.

The Lobby. This is a dating concept my friend Michael came up with to describe the grey area between talking stage and establishing the boundaries / label of your relationship. You aren’t inside the actual apartment of love yet, but nor are you hopeless on the street without it. You’ve made it into the building. You’re waiting in The Lobby. It’s genius.
Michael argues that The Lobby is the best place to be – the liminality adds a thrill to the flirtation. This could go either way. The charge is high. A pinch of shame makes the entire thing sexier: What if I’m reading too much into this? What if it’s all in my head? Why am I blushing over someone whose relationship to me I can’t even define? You can tell someone’s in The Lobby when they keep checking their phone and smiling at the screen, then telling you to shut up before you’ve even said anything. I don’t know if I agree that it’s my personal favorite place to be (the inherent torture’s getting to be a bit much at my big age) but I love seeing my friends this way, almost as much as I love teasing them for it.
Laura Palmer would’ve loved Virgin by Lorde. Consider the following from “Shapeshifter”:
it’s giving prom queen w a coke addiction who works at a brothel..
IT’S GIVING THE GIRL WHO WAS FAILED BY HER ENTIRE TOWN WHO ALL IDEALIZED AND ROMANTICIZED HER IN DIFFERENT WAYS SUCH THAT THEY COULD NOT SEE THAT EVERY CELL IN HER BODY WAS SCREAMING OUT FOR HELP. OH MY GOD.
Both Twin Peaks and Virgin tackle gender identity, the dual prison and euphoria of womanhood, generational trauma, and daddy issues with heartbreaking yet unapologetic sensuality. Somebody should write an essay about this, but it’s not going to be me, because I’m way too backlogged. Also, “Favorite Daughter.” I rest my case.
Lucy Dacus “Ankles” Lyrics & Meaning | Genius Verified. “So you know… when you… are into someone…. and you probably shouldn’t be…. and so you just kinda have to use your imagination… and not cross the boundaries……. that is . what is going on here.” OH I’M SURE.
Oh my god. For day one JBLu truthers, this video is a RICH TEXT. I cannot believe she chose the “having sex with Julien Baker in my mind” song to analyze publicly. Her giggles. Her blushes. Oh my fucking god. I feel like none of us should be watching this. It feels too personal. Please tell me I don’t have to enter a six-year agonizing slow burn with a tortured masc for a love like this to find me.
The Ultimatum: Queer Divorce (spoilers ahead). At least, that’s what it SHOULD be called, because what the fuck. LOL? Can we talk about the archetype of longhaired butches with undercuts who are addicted to gaslighting? I thought this is only something that happened to ME, but Magan proved me wrong. Listen. I feel for her, I really do. I have a lot of empathy for her cultural trauma. But oh my god, you cannot treat people this way. You can’t make all kinds of promises and declare your love for someone and then walk that back literally days later, to the point of explicitly telling the other person she’s “making you feel crazy” because you claim you “never said I was in love with you.” WHEN YOU KNOW IT WAS CAUGHT ON CAMERA????? LIKE THE WHOLE SCENE????? ALL CONTEXT INCLUDED???????? HUH??????????
I asked my Instagram followers how they felt about the “Backtrack of the Century,” and the consensus is: JAIL TIME. (also, replace Joanna Garcia Swisher with a Real Lesbian: ME.)
Obviously, yes, the real problem is Dayna, and Magan is being manipulated by a true master of spin. And also: after watching back the entire show, how does Magan not crawl into the reunion on her hands and knees begging for Haley’s forgiveness? It’s not even ADDRESSED!!!!!!!! (imo, during the reunion Pilar was NOT mad enough at Magan on Haley’s behalf. Jesus. If it were me and I heard someone gaslight my fiancé like that on national television… let me just say the entire city of Miami would be hearing from ME.) It is a MAJOR oversight and honestly a moral failure by the producers to not roll that footage during the reunion. I mean, what the fuck is reality TV even for if not setting the record straight on the season’s largest controversy with footage? Like. Magan. Babe. You said that shit. Maybe you didn’t MEAN it, which is its own issue (and which I truly don’t even believe), but you did say that shit. Own it.
AJ and Britney are definitely going to get married. I give everyone else exactly one more year.
The Dry Season by Melissa Febos. I read this 288-page personal callout of me in approximately 24 hours. My problems with intimacy are not 1:1 with Melissa’s, but they’re definitely in the same family. I think what I appreciated most about the book was her repeated emphasis on the conscious choice she kept making every day to prioritize herself and her loved ones over sex and romance. “I did not believe in an interventionist higher power, but prayers worked like this sometimes: as if God happened to be passing by the open door of my mind and overheard. As if divine intervention were simply my own ability to change plus the willingness to do so.” [emphasis mine] Like, omfg, I get it. I need to take responsibility for my own life and make real strides to change my behavior instead of languishing helplessly in my own destructive but comfortable routines. Just like working out and waking up early, it fills me with rage that this is true and works. Ugh. The worst thing ever. Will I be abstaining from sex and love indefinitely? Girl, no. I’m Latina. I am actively trying to be wayyyyy more intentional about it, but it feels like nobody wants to casually date for a few months until we get to know each other. NOBODY WANTS TO WORK ANYMORE. I’ve had enough twin flames to last a lifetime. Before you put me on a pedestal, please stop and ask if I really want to be up there!!!!!!!!!
Maybe Melissa is right and the only way to win is to not play the game. Idk. I’ll have to get back to you on this in a few months.
Portland, Oregon. Somehow I got into Tin House a SECOND time and this Saturday I shall be making my triumphant return to the land of white guilt and food trucks. I’m looking forward to an introspective solo walk from Reed College to Cà Phê for a Vietnamese coffee that will give me heart palpitations. The last time I went, I feel like I kind of bricked it. I was so wrapped up in my own self-hatred and impostor syndrome that I was too nervous to talk to anyone. I knew I was wasting a massive opportunity, but the thought of leaving my dorm for anything but workshop itself filled my stomach with evil bees. On the plane home, I wept and promised myself if I was ever lucky to get a second chance, I wouldn’t fuck it up this time. So, here’s to not fucking it up.
My parents have a bunch of friends in Portland. I go once or twice a year, and I spend the entire time missing everything while it’s right in front of me. My little sister sleeping in the next room. The softer, paler Pacific sunset. Everyone I’ve ever kissed. I always find time to steal away and make a tearful phone call to somebody, anybody I love in New York to tell them that I’m full of mourning and I want to come home to them, will they be waiting for me when I get there?
Zines. I am sort of always thinking about them. Yesterday I impulsively decided to launch my own micropress for mini zines, because I have access to infinite b&w printing and I plan to exploit it. Submissions are open now thru July 31!! Please send me your short stuff!! And follow us on IG @pocket_pubs :)

Ok that is most of the stuff I am thinking about right now. I have to get back to finishing my Tin House feedback letters the day they are due. I never learn.

What stuff are u thinking about right now? lmk in the comments and see u next week!

xoxo, M